Thursday, June 18, 2009

Persons and Censorship

Something that I never really thought about in Proverbs is that the majority of the entire thing is addressed to "sons". I think that when I read the Bible, I get it stuck in my head that somehow the writers wrote it as if they were addressing or going to be addressing a million people... like a bulletin on myspace, or a blog, or a twit. 

Like, yeah! I'm going to write this and it's going to be written and addressed to a large audience and so I've gotta write for the audience that's going to read it. I guess the best way to describe my thought process is selling advertisements. When you're working on ad sales and you write a "personal" email to the artist that says "Hey guys! How are you?" and you make it sound as personal as possible while still reaching a number of people. 

And I don't know why I seem to have it stuck in my head that the Bible is written like that, because it's not. And I didn't even realize that that's how I have it in my head until this morning. Because all these pastors and people always talk about deeply personal the book is, the books are, and I believe that, practically. I mean, hell, I talk about how deeply personal it is all the time. 

I guess what I really mean is that the dudes who wrote it, wrote it because they had a deep passion and burden for what they were saying, and, maybe more importantly, because they loved the persons (and I use "persons" as opposed to "people" for a reason) that they wrote to in a profound way. 

And I realized this because of the first couple of words in the first couple of verses in the book of Proverbs, where David writes the letters that form the word "my son" - and then he goes on to say words like "listen" and like "do" and like "do not" and it's not because David is a jerkoff with a power trip that "wants to tell a whole bunch of people that will probably read his wonderful Godly book someday" - but it's because he loves Solomon, his son, and his other sons, and he wants what's best for him. 

The coolest thing about this realization, for me, is that it brings a sense of personal relationship that has nothing to do with me, but has everything to do with a dad loving his kid, and telling him how to live practically. And it starts to feel like a conversation that my dad would have with me while we stand in the garage and talk about why I started smoking cigarettes. And he tells me that it's good to do certain things and not good to do certain things and he tells me that stuff because he loves me, not because he has an audience. He tells me the things he tells me because he has a deep desire to see me grow up in wisdom and godliness, and because there is a burden on his heart, as a father, as someone that loves someone, and not because I just happen to be standing there and so I might hear him and I might not. 

Maybe that doesn't make sense. Or maybe it makes sense because it's common sense and something that has already clicked with most everybody. I guess I just think it's cool because I've always said that it clicks with me, too, but I don't know if it really ever has. 

It wasn't written for the audience, like this blog is written for an audience, no matter how much I'd like to believe it's just written for me. Instead, it's written firstly out of a very personal love, and the audience came secondarily. 

And I guess that's something that's cool to me, too. That no one pulled any punches when they wrote that stuff. And why would they? If it's as deeply personal as we all say it is, then it would have to be real, right? I pull punches on this blog because if I were to say every single thing that I'm always thinking and feeling I would be scrutinized and questioned and that's something I'm not entirely comfortable with. But I feel like that's what people do. They pull punches in front of an audience because there might be people in the audience that won't like what they have to say, but if it's one on one between a father and a son, why would Pops censor himself or neglect to share everything that's on his heart? 

Maybe that's why I have so much respect for artists like Eminem. I may not believe in or agree with what the dude believes in or agrees with, but the fact is that the dude believes in and agrees with a lot of stuff and he says it, right? What's the infamous motto? "I just don't give a fuck!"  It may not be right or justified, but I think that I believe him when he says it. And a lot of people may or may not like Eminem because his music may or may not be good and he may or may not have a whiney voice and he may or may not complain constantly and blah blah blah, but the guy is honest, and he believes in what he does, and he says what he says, and he loves his daughter, and he's gone through trial and error of reconciling with his wife, ex wife, wife, ex wife, and he raps about personal life things that transcend the whole "sex, drugs, violence" rap thing. And there are plenty of other artists that do the same.

I think that it clicked that the Bible is that kind of personal. The kind of thing that says what it says regardless of what people think about it. And while Eminem's lyrics may not be the best example I could have given... I think the point I'm trying to make is that censorship bugs me, and when I think of censorship, one of the things I think of is writing or saying things to massive amounts of people and holding back on what's really on your heart, or what you really want to say most, because somebody might not like it. 

And the Bible doesn't do that. It has all the elements of what rappers rap about. It has violence and sex and drugs and passion and love and relationships and fear and trust and instruction and poems and cussing and pleasure and futility and anger and death and life. It has life in that book. And yeah it has the "Eternal Life" but I'm talking about the "living-kind-of-what-we're-doing-now-life". 

And it's not written to me like a blogger would write to me, 
it's written to me like my dad would talk to me. 

Friday, June 12, 2009


Jesus stands with his mouth to the Father's ear, whispering on my behalf. 

How amazing is it that Jesus is for me? For us?

I think that the most exciting thing, for me, as of now, at least, about building up some sort of consistency in plugging into the word of God, and taking advantage of the relationship that Jesus offers me, is that I no longer feel obliged to care for and love others, but I desire it. I get stoked about being able to start the day and just be with people and love them and cherish those blessings. I am becoming ever more thankful for the people I have around me, for those that I'm close to and for those that I've yet to meet. And I know that my relationship with God and others is not about feeling and butterflies, but it's just so exciting when it does feel that way. And it does. And it's noticeable to me. And it's AWESOME. 

More of the dates have been coming through on the July tour that I'm doing with In the Midst of Lions ( and All Or Nothing ( There's a chance that I'll be doing some dates with a band called Syrens ( in August, as well. I'm still just trying to figure it all out. Prayer request, though - there's a chance that I'm going to need to get to Denver in order to meet the band because they won't be able to come this far south to pick me up anymore. That wouldn't be a problem except that Veil Arms has a huge show the night before, and that's really my last chance to make any money before the run, and that makes getting to Denver really complicated. So, if you would, please pray with me that the planning with run - at least - relatively smoothly. 

I'm also in the process of selling my car. (Honda Accord - if anyone wants something cheap to drive with mewithoutYou lyrics all over it. I'm trying to get $400 out of it, but will probably settle for less.) A friend of mine has an old 80s Suzuki GS 750 cc for sale that he said is in good condition that he's selling for around the same price as I'm trying to get for my car, and said he'd help me get it top-notch so I don't die. So that's kind of what I'm thinking at the moment. Who knows. I'm the most indecisive person in the world. I can't even decide what kind of candy I want at the gas station. 

Can't really think of anything else to write. Thanks for loving me. If any of you have any prayer requests for me, I would love to keep them in mind. Just a thought. Message me if you don't want them all over the internet for everyone to see. I would be honored to pray for you. God knows I need it, too. 

Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love, 

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Lakers

So did anyone did the game tonight? 

Because I saw the game tonight. And I had a death threat from my best friend if the Lakers won. 
And guess what?

The Lakers won. 


Friday, June 5, 2009

Proverbs 1

What do you have to do in order to grow weeds?

Nothing! Now, you want to tend a garden that has fruitful harvest? 
You're going to have to pull weeds every single day. You take a week or two off, you're right back to where you started.

It's the same thing with the human heart. You have to pull weeds, you have to prune your harvest, every single day. 

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, 
but fools despise wisdom and discipline." 

You either fear God, and that's the beginning of wisdom, 
or you don't, and that's the beginning of folly. 

"He who hates discipline hates knowledge."

How can you hate God's knowledge, practically? What do you have to do to hate God's knowledge?
Just don't read the scriptures! "Well I'm not very good, I don't really read the scriptures ever."
Well that's because you hate knowledge. 

The reason that most people don't read scripture isn't because they don't understand it, but because they DO understand it and they don't like what it says. 

Mark Twain: "It's not the parts of the Bible that I don't understand that trouble me. It's the parts of the Bible that I don't understand that really trouble me."

Do you love what God loves, and do you hate what God hates?
What does God love? God, the Father, loves the Son. So we should love the Son. 
God loves wisdom and knowledge, and we should love wisdom and knowledge. 

And wisdom and knowledge are hidden where? In Christ!
So we should pursue Christ, and we should fear him, and what happens, when that happens, is that we will naturally start to love what God loves, and hate what God hates. 

Thought maybe I'd start sharing a little bit of what I'm learning through this series that I'm listening to. Driscol on Proverbs. There's more, but I can't type fast enough. I really like the bit about pulling weeds. That's a very practical picture. Apparently I'm a picture person. 

Thursday, June 4, 2009

California and a Prayer Request

Two nights ago a friend of mine offered to buy me a bus ticket to California with him to live on the street for three weeks. I remembered that he offered me that two hours before the bus was leaving yesterday and called him and said I was going to come so my girlfriend, Brandi, gave me a sleeping bag and I packed a backpack said bye to my housemates and went to the station but the bus was full and the later buses were too much money, so I just came back to my house instead. 

Needless to say, it was an emotional afternoon. 

Me making that spontaneous of a decision really only leads me one conclusion, and that is that I am not happy where I am. I am not a particularly unhappy person in general, but I am stressed and depressed with the current state of living (i.e. - no money, not a whole lot of hope for money, not a whole lot of luck with a job, and not a whole lot of desire for a job because I'm restless and am pursuing tour plans soon, anyway). It's kind of like a big whirlpool of not-really-hopelessness-but-a-whole-lot-of-wondering. 

Although I will say, Chad Johnson's "Come and Live" blog is incredible. He just posted something brand new on the topic of "Waiting on the Lord" (go figure) and it's incredibly encouraging. I strongly encourage everyone to check it out. (

I am not 100% sure how I feel right now, but I am sad that I'm not a bum in California. I've been struggling with some things that I've struggled with for years and it's the most annoying thing in this entire world, and it completely kills my walk with the Lord. Not because I don't feel like he'd still love to spend time with me, but because after you fail you get this little devil in your ear that says you're not worthy to spend time with him... 

So if anyone finds the time to lift me up in prayer for my anonymous request, I would absolutely invite and appreciate the spiritual help. For anyone that knows me and knows males and anything deeply personal that I write about, it won't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, anyway. 

as an open book. 

On a positive and exciting note, I met up with a "long-time-kind-of-friend" really randomly a couple of days ago (more like we ran into each other) - Donovan. And hopefully we will become "long-time-really-friends" soon. He's the worship leader at City on a Hill/Mars Hill Church and he was a very encouraging voice on a day that much needed it. Apparently he's leading a small group for the church and offered to have me a part of it, which is rad. Hopefully this will mean getting plugged in to a long-awaited, more personal accountability. It will be hit and miss, because of plans to tour, but it will be something. 

God is good. I believe this. I was reminded of something that I wrote a long time ago that will proceed this for anyone interested in reading it. It's kind of "emo" - if that's still a style, but I think I used to be pretty emo four years ago. I probably still am. Haha. And to those of you out there that love and pray for me, thank you. I hope you know I do the same. 

The Waltz


God I’ve no idea what to say to you

But I feel like crying

I’ve no idea how to tell you how I feel

I guess I don’t have to

Hey, if the grass is greener on the other side

What happens once I hop the fence?


God, I’ve no idea how I feel inside

But I know you can make me right

If I could only reach out and touch

Your footprint in the mud…

My fingertips are not worthy enough

If I could only reach out and touch

The hem of your cloak…

God, I’m trying to imagine a smile on my face

I remember you thought it was beautiful

If the grass is greener on the other side

I must not be seeing you

I’ve no idea how to make this sound believable but…

I love you

If I could do something to prove it, I would

Listen, it’s raining so hard now

And I still can’t force myself to dance


Jesus, teach me the waltz

I can’t do this alone

Monday, June 1, 2009

A Way Out

No matter what the temptation, the Lord is faithful, and he will always provide you with a way out. That's right, isn't it? 

"But she's screaming at me from that screen!?
"But it's just too hard to say 'no!'" 
"But, but, but..."

Man, the crappiest thing ever is when you're in the middle of some sort of thing that you're not supposed to be in the middle of, whatever it is, and you hear that conscience screaming in your head: "This is your way out. Don't do this. You can still not do this. I can help you pull away." 

And you're like, "Yeah, well one more time won't hurt."

And your conscience, your spirit inside you says, "Well it's hurting me." 

And you ignore it like you do every single time cause that instant gratification is just so within your grasp. It's so frickin' enticing, and I'm


God! I can't bear this crap anymore. 
"Once an addict, always an addict."

No matter what the temptation, the Lord is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. Isn't that right?

Yeah, Lord, well step aside. I believe you, but I'm strong enough to resist this on my own. 
"Thanks, but no thanks."

I'll come running back to you once I've failed again and I need a favor.