Thursday, June 4, 2009

California and a Prayer Request

Two nights ago a friend of mine offered to buy me a bus ticket to California with him to live on the street for three weeks. I remembered that he offered me that two hours before the bus was leaving yesterday and called him and said I was going to come so my girlfriend, Brandi, gave me a sleeping bag and I packed a backpack said bye to my housemates and went to the station but the bus was full and the later buses were too much money, so I just came back to my house instead. 

Needless to say, it was an emotional afternoon. 

Me making that spontaneous of a decision really only leads me one conclusion, and that is that I am not happy where I am. I am not a particularly unhappy person in general, but I am stressed and depressed with the current state of living (i.e. - no money, not a whole lot of hope for money, not a whole lot of luck with a job, and not a whole lot of desire for a job because I'm restless and am pursuing tour plans soon, anyway). It's kind of like a big whirlpool of not-really-hopelessness-but-a-whole-lot-of-wondering. 

Although I will say, Chad Johnson's "Come and Live" blog is incredible. He just posted something brand new on the topic of "Waiting on the Lord" (go figure) and it's incredibly encouraging. I strongly encourage everyone to check it out. (

I am not 100% sure how I feel right now, but I am sad that I'm not a bum in California. I've been struggling with some things that I've struggled with for years and it's the most annoying thing in this entire world, and it completely kills my walk with the Lord. Not because I don't feel like he'd still love to spend time with me, but because after you fail you get this little devil in your ear that says you're not worthy to spend time with him... 

So if anyone finds the time to lift me up in prayer for my anonymous request, I would absolutely invite and appreciate the spiritual help. For anyone that knows me and knows males and anything deeply personal that I write about, it won't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, anyway. 

as an open book. 

On a positive and exciting note, I met up with a "long-time-kind-of-friend" really randomly a couple of days ago (more like we ran into each other) - Donovan. And hopefully we will become "long-time-really-friends" soon. He's the worship leader at City on a Hill/Mars Hill Church and he was a very encouraging voice on a day that much needed it. Apparently he's leading a small group for the church and offered to have me a part of it, which is rad. Hopefully this will mean getting plugged in to a long-awaited, more personal accountability. It will be hit and miss, because of plans to tour, but it will be something. 

God is good. I believe this. I was reminded of something that I wrote a long time ago that will proceed this for anyone interested in reading it. It's kind of "emo" - if that's still a style, but I think I used to be pretty emo four years ago. I probably still am. Haha. And to those of you out there that love and pray for me, thank you. I hope you know I do the same. 

The Waltz


God I’ve no idea what to say to you

But I feel like crying

I’ve no idea how to tell you how I feel

I guess I don’t have to

Hey, if the grass is greener on the other side

What happens once I hop the fence?


God, I’ve no idea how I feel inside

But I know you can make me right

If I could only reach out and touch

Your footprint in the mud…

My fingertips are not worthy enough

If I could only reach out and touch

The hem of your cloak…

God, I’m trying to imagine a smile on my face

I remember you thought it was beautiful

If the grass is greener on the other side

I must not be seeing you

I’ve no idea how to make this sound believable but…

I love you

If I could do something to prove it, I would

Listen, it’s raining so hard now

And I still can’t force myself to dance


Jesus, teach me the waltz

I can’t do this alone

1 comment:

Christopher Lake said...

Brother Levi, thanks for this post, and I will certainly be praying for you. I've been trying to get in touch with you (left a comment on your MySpace and your blog) to see if you are on Facebook and just to check in and see how you are.

We should get together and talk. By God's grace, I think that I might be able to be of encouragement to you in some of your current struggles. Not that I can necessarily change your external circumstances (though who knows that God might do?), but when one is in a hard place, it can helpful to talk to another person (especially a brother in Christ) who has been, and sometimes still is, in some hard places. Get in touch when you can, and we'll see what God does! I'll be praying for you, bro.