Being stretched sucks. The strength at the end of the stretching rocks, but the fatigue is hard to get through. These last couple of months have bee godawful, but I feel that the Lord is preparing me, us, whoever, for something beautiful at the end of this tunnel. I was getting some work done at Heart & Soul on Tuesday (go get work done there), and Ericksen was talking to me about how it's when times are at their darkest that the brightest light shines. It's been a dark tunnel for the last couple of months. Pay has been... eh... nonexistent and work has been busier than it's ever been and I've been struggling with how to balance personal life and work life and am just now finding a thin red line to mark the barrier of what was becoming a dangerous schedule without any separation whatsoever.
I wrote this song for the occasion:
MY GOD IS ONLY AS BIG AS I LET HIM BE
and I am not gonna limit my God with my disbelief
My God has always, always taken care of me
and I am not gonna limit my God with uncertainty
I DON'T HAVE MUCH!
(but it might amount to a mustard seed)
I pray for miracles (and then I breathe...)
I beg and scream for signs and wonders -
and then my heart keeps its beat
You've got to go through the fire to be refined
and there's a huge sense of helplessness in a hopeless time
I am Yours, and You are mine
(and we are one in a kind)
SO SANG THE BIRDS AND THE BEES
when I was not strong enough to sing anything
And if you care and provide for the least of these
then how much more do you care for me?
I DON'T HAVE MUCH
BUT IT MIGHT AMOUNT TO A MUSTARD SEED
And I have seen you move mountains
and command the winds and waves of the seas
on a whim much smaller than me!
GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE AIR I BREATHE!
THE WORLD WILL LEAVE!
AND GOD WILL SAVE THE DAY
AND ALL WILL SING...
So, yeah... one of these days I want to collaborate with a worship band - maybe like, The Glorious Unseen or something - and write a spoken-word-combined-with-worship-CD. I wonder how far out of an idea that is?
I wonder if they'd be down for it? I don't know.
Anyway. There's that. I've got to get back to work. Just wanted to give an update and let you know I love ya.